Guilt Complexes & Leaving Room for Grace
Friday, May 9, 2014
Well hello there! It's been awhile, hasn't it? I've taken a bit of a break from blogging (and, really, from the internet in general) because it was beginning to make me feel... cluttered. And overwhelmed. And that sort of defeats the purpose of what many of us are trying to accomplish in this blogging-world, now doesn't it?
I'm beginning to notice that in many aspects of my life I have a habit of putting these arbitrary expectations on myself and then settling into a comfortable nook of guilt when I fail to meet them. When Ty and I first got married it was about the dishes; I somehow, somewhere, decided in my mind that it was my duty to do the dishes every night. When they weren't done (or when Ty would do them) I would feel guilty and angry at myself and, through the power of projection, assume that Ty must certainly feel disappointed and angry at me. It was a lot of unneeded tension that simply came from insecurities in my mind. Ty doesn't mind doing the dishes. Really, he doesn't. And sometimes the dishes don't get done for a week and you know what? Life goes on.
I had a similar sentiment when I began taking blogging a bit more seriously. I put this arbitrary expectation on myself that I should be posting at least three times a week and if I wasn't then I was most certainly failing. And for what? I haven't posted in over a week and I am quite certain that you readers are still okay, that you are somehow getting by without me (sarcasm!) It's pretty dang narcissistic, when I think about it.
Anyway, recently I've been trying to leave room for grace for myself. To find that delicate balance between responsibility and freedom. I've been spending my evenings doing things that I love and that make me feel alive. And I want to keep blogging, I really do! But I'd like to do so because I enjoy writing and connecting with this community- not because it's an obligation.
And, hey- thanks for reading along. Really, I mean it.