Below is a post I wrote two years ago. I was a recent college graduate and feeling lost, confused, and useless. Though I've come a long way in these past two years I find myself still getting caught up in those feelings at times. I fall back into old habits of determining my worth based on what I've accomplished rather that who Christ tells me I am. Rereading this post was a great reminder to me. I hope you are encouraged as well.
I started today off with a very heavy heart.
One of my biggest fears in life is complacence. I have this reoccurring daydream-nightmare in which I am 30 years old and living in a complete state of listlessness. I have a fine job and a fine house and a fine husband and maybe a couple of fine kids. But as I look back on my life I realize that everything I have done has been for nothing. I have added no value to society, and everything I’ve accomplished has really been for nothing of any significance. I see college kids and 20-something-year-old recent graduates with a fiery passion to change the world and I chuckle thinking, “Yeah, I was like that once, too. But some day, kid, you’ll learn how the world really works. Someday you’ll grow out of it.”
This morning I woke up feeling as if that is how my Summer has been spent.
I got really down on myself for not being productive… for not working towards fulfilling my calling… for not helping others as much as I should… for not doing all that I can to change the world for the better. What was worse than that was what came after- cold, hard, fear. I became terrified that maybe I just lost my passion completely. Maybe all the fire I had to help those in need and change the world had been put out by the icy reality of the World. Maybe this was the End.
Luckily, I had my wise fiance there with me to shed some Truth on my fear. He told me that the things I had been doing this Summer- helping friends plan their weddings, eating lunch with strangers, spending time with my family- were, in fact, fulfilling my calling. He helped me realize that helping a passing stranger is no less significant of an act in the Kingdom than changing a nation is. We are in this time of transition; out of college but still waiting for the real world to begin. This is a time of growth and reflection, and those things are tremendously significant in the eyes of God.
I remember talking with one of my favorite professors about this very dilemma right before graduation, and I am praying that his words can ring true in my heart, as well as with everyone else feeling this heaviness. He said to me, “God will have something for you to do- even if it is simply to wait on HIM. After all, chasing after Him and Him alone is, in itself, our greatest Calling.”
This post is part of the Love Yourself Linkup