Thursday, August 1, 2013

I started wearing makeup around 7th grade.

I was the only blonde in a group of friends who all had beautiful, thick black hair and subsequently beautiful thick black eyelashes.  My toeheadedness often kept me from looking like I had any eyelashes at all, and so I started wearing mascara and I never really stopped.

before homecoming, 2005

My makeup infatuation only increased in high school.  For awhile I even wanted to be a cosmetologist.  I would spend hours and hours before high school dances perfecting my eyeshadow and making sure not a single eyelash was out of place.  I spent two hours getting ready in the morning and being on a dance team kept me constantly in a full face of makeup.  What may have looked like overkill to an outsider soon looked perfectly normal when I looked in the mirror.
After a dance show in 2006
at a dance show in 2005

In college I cooled it a bit with the eyeshadow (who has time for that?) but my skin suddenly decided that since it had spared me from the awkward teenage acne stage it was going to make up for it in my older years.  So I became dependent on concealer and foundation (which, subsequently, caused more breakouts.) I couldn't leave my dorm without it.

My first day at Pepperdine, 2007

My name is Amanda and I am was a makeupaholic.

Until recently.

Call it laziness.  Call it getting married and "letting myself go."  But when I began working in an office where I only saw a maximum of four other people during the day (one of whom was my father) I just decided it wasn't worth the hassle of putting on makeup in the morning.  I hadn't reached some new level of au naturale self love- I just preferred to sleep in.  So every morning I'd pass my mirror, bare faced, not really loving what I saw but also not really caring enough to do anything about it.

And then something crazy happened... I actually started to like the way I looked without makeup.  That pale, eyelashless (okay I'm being dramatic) girl started to look... dare I say.... pretty in the mirror.

It's amazing how, if we tell ourselves something is "normal" for long enough, we start to believe it's true.  Many of us know how true this is with negative statements; when we talk negatively about ourselves even in jest (I'm totally guilty of indulging in self-deprecating humor) we really start to believe it.  But I guess I never really noticed how true it can be of positive statements as well.  When I started telling myself I didn't need makeup all those "flaws" that once seemed so glaring started to fade to the far nether regions of my mind.

Last weekend Ty and I went to a wedding and after I had hurriedly done my makeup in the car (standard procedure) I looked at my face and thought "darn... I wish I had put on less."

This post is part of the Choose Beauty Linkup


  1. I love this, Amanda! I, too, have really fought through years of makeup addiction. Though mine was more subtle (basically just a mascara addiction, rather than full-blown face of makeup), the root is the same—insecurity with being who we are and showing our true faces to the world.

    I'm so glad you've found freedom in your bare face. It's a beautiful thing!

  2. I love that you admit that, at first, it wasn't some huge A-HA! moment of "au naturale self love"... but that it did eventually get there.

    I go through phases of more makeup/less makeup, but you've inspired me to challenge myself to allowing for NO makeup days (maybe when I'm at home by myself - start small, right?).

    1. Thanks, Alicia! I totally recommend it :) It's so freeing!

  3. This is awesome, Amanda. Thank you for sharing! I love this part especially: "if we tell ourselves something is "normal" for long enough, we start to believe it's true." I have been that way with lipstick/gloss and feel so weird without it and slowly learning to stop. depending. on. products. to make me feel beautiful or even just myself.


    1. Thanks for stopping by, Andi! I'm glad to hear you can relate :) It's a struggle, for sure!