Year 1- What We've Learned

Monday, July 22, 2013


Yesterday Tyler and I celebrated our one year anniversary.  It's so crazy to think that it has been an entire year since our wedding day!  We've often talked about how one of the best (and hardest) things about getting married young is that you learn a lot of life's difficult lessons together.  In a way, you get to "grow up" together.  It's been a wild year full of highs and lows and though we've got a long way to go we've already learned so much in this first year.  Some of these are written by Tyler and some are written by me but all of them definitely apply to both of us.

1. Hold Your Tongue- In regards to my (Tyler's) words, it's easy to feel like I'm entitled to more than I really am. Sometimes I feel that just because we are married I get to say whatever I want.  It's especially easy to fall into that trap when things get heated because my first reaction is to get defensive.  It's been a learning process to figure out how to stop and think through what I am really trying to convey rather than say the first emotionally charged thing that comes to my mind.

2. How to be Alone, Together- When we were first married it felt like we had to spend every second that we were home at the same time doing something together.  As a result, we never really got alone time.  We've had to learn that we don't need to feel guilty if we are in the same room but doing our own things.  It's important to spend intentional time together, of course, (as well as with friends!) but it's also essential to spend some time by ourselves.


3. "Always" and "Never" are Triggers- These are words that are often thrown around in arguments and they trigger an immediate defense mechanism in both of us.  It's important to not make absolutes- especially in regards to your partner's mistakes.  We've tried to be more intentional about communicating the things that hurt us in a way that is productive rather than belittling. 

4. Pursuing Each Other Doesn't Stop After the Wedding- It's been said a million times but it's worth repeating.  It can be so easy to fall into a routine and become lazy in your pursuance of one another.  A mentor of ours once said it this way- "never give each other just the scraps."  The scraps are a part of the package, of course, but it's also important to find new and creative ways to show your love for each other.


5. Let Others In- Marriage should not be a closed-off room.  It's so important to have trusted friends with whom you can discuss your struggles, triumphs, hardships and joys.  Sharing with others allows you to see that you are not alone in your issues.  When we were first married we thought we were the only people who fought about the things we fought about.  Once we started talking with friends, however, we realized this was by no means the case!  Entrusting in others often puts issues into focus.  On the flip side, it also provides a great place to celebrate in the joys of marriage with others!

6. Be The Encourager- Somewhere along the past year I (Amanda) went from being Tyler's biggest cheerleader to the person who felt like I always had to bring him back down to Earth.  The quirks and dreams I fell in love with somehow became annoyances I felt I needed to tame.  That's not my job.  The world is a harsh place, and I know that Tyler will get plenty of criticism from the outside.  My job is to be a safe haven where  Tyler feels encouraged- a place where his quirks aren't just tolerated, they are loved.


We feel so blessed to be on this journey together.  Though marriage isn't easy, we have been affirmed this past year that it is most definitely worth it!




Linked up at Wedded Wednesdays

6 comments

  1. Oh Amanda and Tyler!! This is so so good. Thank you for posting and sharing. I read it to David and we both resonated with each of the things you listed. We'll be following you shortly on this journey and appreciate your authenticity.

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    1. Thanks, Kristie! I'm glad they resonated with you guys. We are so excited for the two of you!!!

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  2. You couldn't have said this any better--- every one of your points is exactly spot on!! You are such an encouraging example of what a good marriage looks like. Being married is such an amazing gift from God! Happy anniversary, you two! :)

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    1. Thanks so much, Katie! It is indeed a gift from God :)

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  3. Tyler and Amanda, I love your blog and your writing...you make me wistful and wish we could start all over again! But then I realize the watching world needs to see godly marriages unfold from 'I do' (like yours), as well as those born from turmoil (like ours). We'll be sharing this blog in our Marriage 101 (premarried) classes!! Praying God blesses you and your marriage abundantly!

    Stopping over from www.intentionallyyours.org via Wedded Wednesday!

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    1. Thank you for stopping by! I agree with what you said about the watching world needing to see different types of marriages. The ones born from turmoil are often some of the best examples of Christ's Grace and Redemption.

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